Laughter, Light and Love: Logan Shows

I've had a hard time writing this post because I'm sure that there is nothing I can type that will do Logan justice, it doesn't feel like there is anything I can say or do that will ever be enough. I'm so tired of crying, but he deserves so much. 

I met Logan when I first started teaching. He walked into the last class of my day, Creative Writing, that started with a total of 3 people. He sauntered in, all blonde hair and blue eyes, plopped down in a desk with a smart aleck comment. I knew, after a long first day of teaching, that in that moment I would question my entire career. Logan taught me that teaching was going to be more challenging than I had hoped for. He had an attitude about him that screamed trouble and I thought, this is going to be a long year. 

In the coming days Logan proved me quite wrong. He got excited about assignments, interested in what I had to say. He made everyone in the room laugh, even when they didn't like him. Logan opened up about his personal life, listened to others and LOVED my cinnamon candle beyond belief. He asked me to light it everyday, and sometimes we added in the evergreen fir candle that made the room feel like a safe place full of nostalgia. He would fiddle with his necklace when he got frustrated, pull it across his chin sometimes and he stole more headphones from me than I can count. 

Logan was the first kid to trust me, to come to me in his free time just to vent about his life. He asked questions about how to build his future and listened to me when I asked him to do his work. He respected me, and as a teacher that meant more than he knew. Logan was the first kid that taught me the challenges of teaching are worth it. 

He was filled with potential, sarcasm, angst, desire, love and goofiness. Logan made a promise to me and himself that he would graduate, go onto college or a career path and make something of himself. He was going to prove everyone who ever doubted him wrong. I believed in him, it wasn't so long ago that I was him.

Little did he know that he had already made something of himself and we all took him for granted sometimes. Logan listened better than a therapist to his classmates, he carried light into a room and made everyone laugh as often as he could, he would put on a charming smirk and say something to get under your skin just because he knew you couldn't do anything but love him afterwards. Logan sought out the most broken people and showed them love even when he didn't realize he was doing it. Logan taught all of us to appreciate the people around us, and I will never forget the smell of cinnamon and evergreen fir. 

I made a connection with Logan, he is the first kid that taught me to love my students deeply and understand that I won't always understand what is going through their heads. Teaching them academically sometimes means teaching them they are loved first. He is also the one who made me regret loving so deeply and fear returning to work as a teacher. Loving deeply means hurting deeper when tragedy strikes. 

After grieving for several days I have realized that that is a risk worth taking. I want to challenge all of you to live your life in a way that honors Logan Shows. 

That may mean that you judge a little less harshly. Maybe you listen better to the people around you. Maybe you carry light into a room even if it is filled with people who don't always like you. Maybe you build big dreams, open up about the things that bother you. For me, it means I will not give up on my empathy. I will continue to teach students who I love deeply, and I will build relationships even when it is hard. I will listen and encourage and never give up, even when giving up seems so much easier. 

There is nothing I can do to change what has happened, the only thing any of us can control is how we respond to it. Take control of your grief and confusion and choose to respond in a way that honors the life that Logan lived.